spice core

Become immersed in a long distance relationship. And be tragically in love.

The most erotic relationship I’ve ever had was with a man I could only see and hear. It was a professional relationship, he was only proverbially in prison, and on another continent. I learned for the first time, what it meant to yearn for someone. It was friendship long before it became romantic, though the undertone was always there. We wrote letters and we Skyped, the communication was days between and life was full of anticipation. I’d be in the kitchen mincing something and feel thrills in my body I couldn’t explain. I knew it was him. I’d lay awake at night in a willing position and wait for him to come to me again. An outtake from my journal:

The sheet frisks my thighs in harmony with the offshore breeze, crawling up my side, tracing my breasts, my clavicle, slipping down my throat, tossing me onto my stomach. The phantom sensations of his hands. Soon my nightgown is a pool of fabric at my hips, then a puddle at the edge of the bed. An omen. There’s only one way to sleep tonight. 

It wasn’t till we were together, that he told me about these ‘vibrations’ he felt from me when he was alone and that he was in fact sending me mine. It’s been over for a small while now, but I’m grateful to have experienced that dimension of existence – maybe we were both crazy but it was a real as anything can be.

———— music I made about it.

Lmao.